Team Kanye

Thesis: Taylor Swift makes my ears bleed.

This isn’t completely random, as the World Wide Web and various (annoying) Target commercials have informed me that her new album comes out today (gag). Not to mention that my office at work is adjacent to the janitor’s closet and everytime it’s opened, some country music station is blasting—which is almost always playing Taylor Swift. Or something that sounds like Taylor Swift, which regardless makes me think of her anyway, so it’s almost just as bad.

Yes, Kanye was a total doucher for what he did at the VMAs last year.  Though I agree with him…definitely not the best way to approach it. But bygones are bygones and little Miss Swift needs to get the hell off of her high horse and get over it. Kanye apologized. Profusely, actually.

Don’t believe me?

“I wrote a song for Taylor Swift that’s so beautiful and I want her to have it. If she won’t take it then I’ll perform it for her. She had nothing to do with my issues with award shows. She had no idea what hit her.”

 “There are people who don’t dislike me…they absolutely hate me! If you google ‘Asshole’ my face may very well pop up 2 pages into the search…People tweeted that they wish I was dead. They wanted me to die people. I carry that…I wear my scars.”

 “She’s just a lil girl with dreams like the rest of us. She deserves the apology more than anyone. I’m ready to get out of my own way. The ego is overdone, who am I to run on stage? I would never ever again in a million years do that. Sorry to let you down…TAYLOR LOVES RAP MUSIC…I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC…I’m sorry Taylor.”**

 He wanted to collaborate with you at this year’s VMAs. Instead you refused him, wrote a lame-ass song that almost identically resembles all your 547829 other songs (besides the fact that you’re not crying over some redneck this time) and sang it HORRIFICALLY. I wish I knew enough about html to make that word look like it was bleeding so it would be a better representation of the state my ears were in at that moment in time.

Seriously, though.

I could maybe overlook all of this if the bitch could sing like Carrie Underwood.

BUT SHE SOUNDS LIKE DYING CATS. WHY ARE YOU FAMOUS FOR WHINING ABOUT BOYS, SINGING LIKE A DYING CAT AND NEVER EVER HAVING A DIFFERENT EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE, EVER?!?!?

And maybe even then she could be saved if she was an awesome performer. Look at Britney Spears. Not the best vocalist, but that girl could put on a damn show. Swift sits there and pouts and strums her damn little acoustic guitar. Maybe if she tap-danced or blinked during the performance I’d be slightly more interested.

Nah….doubt it.

I will always, ALWAYS be Team Kanye. I don’t care if I meet the love of my life and the night before our wedding he proclaims that his heart is torn asunder by my hatred for Taylor Swift and even more by my appreciation for Kanye because he loves her and her music !!OH SO MUCH!! and he simply cannot be with me if I don’t feel the same way.

I will look him straight in the face and tell him that I would rather be attacked by this:

Of course, I don’t ever have to worry about this because I can say with almost 100% certainty that I will never, ever be with a man who likes Taylor Swift that much. Primarily because he's clearly not mentally stable, but also because drastically differing music taste is a big deal breaker with me. It's also a tough one, considering that I’m pretty much open to all kinds of music.

I realize a lot of people don’t appreciate Kanye’s style. Or his ego. And that’s fine. But you have to at least give him credit.  His rhymes are incredible, his mixes and beats are always good, always different, always catchy. He talks about more than 1-2 topics, which in comparison to Swift, makes him a goddamn genius. He does everything himself, from his album designs to mixing, lyrics and his style in general. He’s innovative and does what he does because he loves it. Not to get back at a middle school crush or let the world know how annoying he is. He’s a true artist. With talent. And I don’t know when in the celebrity timeline talent and individuality got brushed aside and replaced but it’s annoying. I’m sure there’s a lot of other awesome artists out there that will never reach fame because their spotlight is being hogged by carbon-copied idiots whose lives and art are run by their agents.

Irritating.

EDIT: Proofreading this (rare occurence!) made me realize I need a disclaimer:
If I were some random person reading this post, it would make me picture myself as one of those chubby, angsty chicks who thinks she’s edgy and is really just irritated and jealous because some pretty, skinny, blonde girl is famous.

Promise I’m not.

I also don’t hate men (that much) and I don’t bite off my partner’s head after intercourse (à la black widows)--two other common characteristics of that picture in my head.

I just really, really dislike Taylor Swift. And love Kanye. Which just intensifies my aversion to Swift.


**quotes from www.girlstalkinsmack.com